“He is climbing mountains now”

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My best friend has been in heaven for a month now. The only thought that helps me keep moving forward is knowing he is no longer in pain. I imagine him looking like he dose in this picture. I imagine him hiking and climbing mountains. I imagine him  without pain.

Since we got married the longest we had been apart was two weeks. Even when we weren’t together we would text or talk each day. I was very lucky to have been with him so much during the last months of his life. Even though he was sick and slept a lot, we were always together. I often go to my phone hoping to see a “Hey pretty girl” text from him. His name is quickly moving to the bottom of my messages, where before it was always at the top. I find myself still opening a text message to send him a funny cat video or show him something cute the boys did. He was my person and we did everything together. I still feel like I’m on vacation and he is home working. Somedays it hits me that he is really gone and other days I feel like he is just back home in Utah.

So far the hardest part for me have been the dreams. I thought initially that having him in my dreams would be a way to see him again. They would give me a chance to have him with me and remember how I felt when he was around. I thought wrong and I would prefer I have no dreams of him at all. The pain that comes after waking up is to unbearable. The reminders of how my life was and how my life could have been is to hard. Those days are the hardest for me. In those hard moments I think of this picture and I have to remind myself he is no longer in pain. He is no longer restricted from doing the things he loves. He is climbing mountains now.

3 thoughts on ““He is climbing mountains now”

  1. Crystal Chevalier

    Every time I hear the song, “Cracks of Heaven” by David Archuleta I think of you… I am sure Justin is watching you through the cracks of heaven.

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  2. Robin Keele

    I lost my Husband to Colon Cancer September 19th and needless to say it has been the most heart wrenching loss I have every experienced. I have 3 little kiddos, 9, 5 and 8months I and came across your blog during one of my many nights of insomnia. I appreciate your posts. For they are real and depict your true pain but are also full of hope and faith. I imagine that not only was our family their to greet my husband at the veil but men like your husband Justin that fought a similar fight, taking his hand and telling him he fought a good fight. Many prayers on your behalf as you continue this journey.

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    1. I’m so sorry you have to be apart of this horrible group. I know exactly what you mean by the insomnia hours. I do the same at night on instagram. I love that picture of them greeting one another and helping others in their similar situation like we are doing here. You can follow me on instagram @jennifer.stacey.hanks and maybe we can connect more there as well. I’m so sorry! Wish the pain would go away. Wish time could fast forward.

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