“We must live by faith, not by fear” –Elder Cook

I have a dark cloud that follows me. I love to be at work and hang out with my friends because during those times I forget the cloud is there. When the fun is over and I’m alone I look up and see the dark cloud still hovering there. The cloud is always present, bringing along anxiety and fear and reminding me that my husband has cancer.

I feel like I go back and forth between living with the cloud and living without it. It reminds me of faith and fear. I like to compare how I have been feeling with the story of Peter walking on water. Peter had so much faith in his ability to walk on water, that he actually did start to walk on water. As soon as he saw the waves and the storms around him though, he doubted himself and fell in. I feel like Peter in this story. When I pray and read the blessings Justin and I have received, I have so much faith. I know that Justin will be ok and he will be able to beat this cancer. But as soon as we hear news from the doctor or are reminded that this is a very rare cancer I start to fall back in the water. I start to lose that faith that I once so strongly had. I’m constantly switching back and forth between faith and fear. I don’t know how to push that fear away and live off the faith. I had a sweet friend take time out of her life to drop off a picture of Christ pulling Peter out of the water. I had never seen this picture before, but it changed my view on the faith vs. fear. Christ was right there to pull him up out of the water. I need to remember Christ will do the same for me each and every time I fall in. I know that he is there for me, to keep me on that path of faith. I need to not doubt and have faith.